These days i've been fighting a battle, one that i feel i must be losing. I'm sick and tired of wallowing in my sorrows, in and out of the dumps day after day. Being ecstatic and the next being utterly depressed. There really is not light at the end of the tunnel. I read all my previous post and i'm amazed i had so much faith, and yet that faith has dwindled into such an insignificant amount. No amount of sharing helps cause eventually i still have to fight the battle myself.

When i listen to all the p&w songs, my heart aches because i barely mean the words and i yearn to be so filled with God's love to just lift my hands to praise him. I look at myself and i see myself so broken and so incomplete. I try to pray but i give up trying cause i know i'm not getting anywhere. I probably don't recognise half the things He gives me and don't appreciate any of them. One question i ask myself is where did all that faith go? How did it disappear so fast when i've tried to hold on to it for so long. The amount of faith i had surprises me now, the words i have written were written with so much faith and confidence.

I need a miracle or the best i can ask for is a retreat, that's if i can actually fit it in. Don't cry baby.