incompetence

Today was a really depressing day. This is the day that i received my marks along with my peers. i shan't reveal any but i cannot express how disappointed i am with myself not to mention how i would have to face my parents. Well i already knew i was gonna get a scolding so i cried quietly on the way home and tried to calm myself to face my dad.However once i saw him i burst out in tears. Then i revealed the awful marks and he scolded i went up to my room and cried and mumbled how incompetent i was and how stupid and useless and how iwas not fit to be their daughter since i could not live up to their expectations. i skipped lunch and fell asleep and now my life is a mess i can't go for dance night he took away my internet acess i'm using his comp right now. and yeah i'm a big mess and i'm a useless bum and idiotic bitch who cannnot make her parents happy. And after that very big emotional breakdown i have to face tomorrow too the remaining three papers. how wonderful. :( so right now i'm really really really really down and kinda emotionless because i exerted a lot of emotions while crying so right now i'm zombified no expressions whatsoever. oh well i really feel awful. i am supid, useless, an incompetent useless fool and definately stupid. seriously i feel damn bad. i'm beggining to wonder why on earth would God chose to make me of all people. i feel stupid and awful and depressed and these awful emotions dwell in the depths of me. they are never satisfied. i feel so useless ok now i'm tearing, oh well i cried it out in the afternoon under my table while everyone was out. but every now and then when i think of how i disappointed my parents the tears just keep coming, i feel useless. thank goodness i got A2 for science and my english, i just disappointed myself even though my compo really improved and 26/30 is the highest i have ever gotten. you know the feeling of getting a pat on your back saying that you've done well and all. well they only criticise my mistakes. i mean like i'm not that clever and yeah i mean try doing the paper man its not like you can do it. and if an adult like you can't do the exam paper the expectations for a teenager cannot be hisgh right. i hate my life, its not worth living i tell you, its horrid i tell you ok i'll stop making myself cry and save the rest of the depressing talk tomorrow cause i know i'm gonna cry for math when i see that i did not get my A1, yupp anything lower than an A1id very disappointing and even if i get that brillant mark i will still be upset because i know that i woulld not be able to reach that 90 and above that i was aiming for. My life sucks i want to fall into the deepest sleep and go to heaven where everything is happy and all. night y'all